But I do believe that loving yourself is very different—essentially, practically, and ethically—from loving others, and that neither is necessary for the other (though they can support each other to some extent, especially the other way around as described above). I agree with you to a certain extent that you can feel love for others even though you don't love yourself (depending on how you define love in this context). This is the first and great commandment. I think that aphorism come across as being merely a justification for some indulgent narcissism, at best. Please understand, I am not arguing against self-love (even though I have chosen not to practice it myself). *Real* love to others is a gift, not an attempt to get anything back (which Lando stated earlier). One thought I had when reading your post is that you build your argumentation on a citation that says, you can't BE LOVED by others unless you love yourself. I don't think it follows at all that in order to be loved you have to love yourself totally. Being able to love myself had its challenges which had started like anyone else, I’m sure. On the other hand, people that does not accept themselves are "needy" and usually display people-pleasing patterns so they are "giving" just to be accepted. One thing I learned from this wonderful woman is she made me love myself more. When we are helping our own hearts be fulfilled and content, we are better able to love, serve, and show up for the people around us that we care about. by Danna Pratte February 17, 2017. They may feel they're looked long and hard at themselves, but still find themselves lacking in essential worth and good qualities. And everyone has things about themselves they like and things they don't. Because right now, both he and I think that the only way to be more happy is to stop self-loathing so much. I had thought I didn’t meet my “expectations”. If you're not connected to who you really are, how the heck are you going to connect with someone else? 'love'), but what we ought to refrain from doing. Sometimes you will be angry and agitated. It gives a great sense of confidence. I know Oprah is no psychologist, but I do remember on one show she said something like, "Everyone needs to feel seen, heard and understood" I know when I feel this from another, I feel they are sincere about loving/caring for me. I can accept me". ), So instead of self-love being a prerequisite for loving another, it may be a result: greater self-love through other-love. Maybe it's a matter of perspective. I’ve received respect back and, caring people who are now positive towards my life. You love yourself for who you are on the inside and not just because of what you do, what you look like, or what you’re capable of. I never cared for "You have to love yourself first" either. You're being unselfish and doing others benefit by loving yourself. But finding out who planted that seed, why did we allow it to take hold, why would they have seen me this way, what may their problems have been at the time...". You can order Unique paper and our professionals Rewrite it for you. Asshole, jerk, pig, etc. "I can never do/be something that great", But it also takes a lot of work and isn't as easy because many might have to go back a face some painful events that caused them to have distorted beliefs about themselves. But I don't think this follows either: Having little concern for oneself stems from feelings of low self-worth, which doesn't imply that such a person cannot take care of others whom he values more. Lando nailed it. Not long ago, I told a friend (channeling Groucho Marx by way of Yogi Berra), "I wouldn't like myself very much if I liked myself." Hence the need to "love one's self first". Home — Essay Samples — Life — Being Yourself — The Importance Of Loving Yourself. Hi Melissa, Yet when someone says they love another we applaud … By doing so, you will feel empowered, confident and at peace. The Importance Of Loving Yourself: 7 Ways To Practice Self-Love. Or others. If you fit this description, you can use our free essay samples to generate ideas, get inspired and figure out a title or outline for your paper. Just as He loves us, it is important that we love ourselves! Perhaps what you mean is someone who is grounded and self-confident--if so, I agree, that person may be less "needy" in a relationship. Consider yourself important too; love yourself as much as you love your friends and family. But, I think I'm understanding. If not mutually exclusive, how can a person be self-loathing and happy at the same time? what do you mean the love they do give actually takes away more than it gives? If I'm missing anything, please let me know! And this won't be the case - if I would have accepted myself completely? We are setting the mark much too high with all the talk of 'loving' people. Are you interested in getting a customized paper? Or what if your relationship is on the rocks? But I agree, the quality of self-awareness in terms of accuracy and especially forgiveness is essential. Only then will you have a chance for true love. Hi Mark, If you love yourself the best, but are an outcast, you will be having a very hard time, unless you realize that either you are wrong, or you're not being very succesfull in letting people understand your point of view. Therefore, I totally agree with what she was saying, it's extremely necessary to love yourself first before you can allow someone to love you. Want us to write one just for you? by Yasmin Elzomor • January 29, 2017. When I was a child the message I got or that I interpreted was not to have needs or a voice.. to give to others no matter what. (And I believe you can have self-respect but not high self-worth or self-esteem, respecting yourself as a person while regarding yourself as an inadequate one.). Because unconsciously, what I was doing before was take care of others more than myself because I was expecting them to do the same with me. The come back is important and varies to our individuality of human growth & being. I don't think many people want to be with a self-absorbed narcissist (with the obvious exception of groupies who chase after celebrities and politicians! Or one party putting up with bad behaviour from the other to appease them. If you’d like this or any other sample, we’ll happily email it to you. My intention is that my care for others will be authentic, and not because I needed anything in return. Can you pls put more light on this? My mission in life is to empower others in tender loving self-care. For instance, I date this girl who has a lot of problems and defaults. (This also serves as a response to those who say that knowing how to love yourself teaches you how to love others—it may very well work better the other way around.). I'd been thinking of revisiting the ideas in that post, and you've given me more to think about, as well as more reason to do it--thanks! For instance, see the paragraph starting with "I can certainly understand..." And thanks for reading! The fact that this philosophy is popular, shows that people believe it works, so why reject an idea which could increase your happiness without trying it. “Jesus said unto him, ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. Hold up your hand if you have been too busy lately to really love and nurture yourself. Recently, in my life, I feel like I'm getting a glimpse of what "loving myself" actually means. I couldn't quite wrap my head or heart around it previously. I would argue that part of "loving yourself" is believing you are worth loving. I actually think the opposite is true. I believe that only through relationships with others (whether they be familial, romantic or platonic) can we learn to be OK in our own skin. This may seem more important to some than others, but self-love is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I don't see anywhere in her quote or marks article where you quoted "having to love yourself before you can love others"? An exciting and incredible one. GradesFixer. In other words, until you're 100 percent into YOU, no one else will be. Loving yourself is one of the single most important things you can do because the way you treat yourself reflects upon everything else you do in life. But it can be worth it in the end for some. Not that I was bad, but I was in a bad relationship, and I had to learn to love myself with all my flaws. Finally, I agree that a person who does not like himself may be a net "giver" in a relationship for self-affirming purposes, but that is different but being a net "taker" as far as making more claims on the other person. Thanks for your time. Pssst… You can get 100% plagiarism FREE essay in 30sec, Sorry, we cannot unicalize this essay. It’s had been unpleasant for me since middle school was having an immense situation with bullying. Being in love with yourself provides you with self-confidence, self-worth and it will generally help you feel more positive. You Are Perfect Just the Way You Are (Your reaction) Thank you! I'm talking through my own experiences. Also another question I have is, is self-loathing and happiness mutually exclusive? To be in any kind of relationship, it’s important to love yourself first. We’ve got you covered. Jesus died and gave His life for us in the ultimate demonstration of love. It’s so easy to fall in the trap of disliking what you look like or who you are due to the influence of the media and just society in general. Is it something you see in yourself, or something you don't see in yourself but wish you did? Loving yourself is impactful and can be impactful towards others. I mean maybe a little but I didn’t really go into depth about it. I believe everyone should be able to love themselves before they can love others. Parents, siblings, peers, teachers. IMHO it is about insecurity and fear- if you are not secure in your own loveability, and fear bad outcomes in the future, you will end up with dysfunction and conflict in relationships, for example co-dependency. Loving yourself is essential when it comes to our daily lives, physical and mental health, and our relationships with others. I have always had the ability to love and do love others. Comparison Of Gary Soto’s And Deborah Tannen’s Views On Stereotypes And Self Being Essay, The Importance of Values in the Company Essay, Personal Writing: Why I Love Winter Essay, An Analysis of the Story the Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan Essay, The Performance of Giulietta Masina: A Character Analysis from “Nights of Cabiria” Essay, The Gray Area Dialogue: An Analysis of Western Perspective in Satrapi’s Persepolis Essay. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? The gentlemen posting seem to have similar experiences. Remember: This is just a sample from a fellow student. Now while I gave you those three steps I never told you why loving yourself is important. If you don't believe you're worthy of even your own love, can you believe you are worthy of someone else's love? Twitter. B.F. Skinner said: 'If an organism can react, it will react. Is it something that reinforces your dislike of yourself? My own personal philosophy is very focused on humility, so I would be disappointed in myself if I were to feel confidence, pride, or self-satisfaction. Hello.. 2020 © gradesfixer.com. The self-awareness angle is very interesting, I agree--but I think the problem with self-loathers is not that they lack self-awareness but that their self-awareness is skewed. Yet I appreciate the contrast here, that we don't necessarily have to LOVE ourselves in order to give and love others. So we must continually fill our cup with self-care. lol you sound like me- deeply feeling, and also, deeply analytical :P I like it! By. Such a person may put another person on a pedestal, want to take care of her, and tend to her every want and need, and that in itself gives him what he needs to feel better without making excess claims on her. Loving yourself allows you to make healthier choices. That I had to have the expectation of being like society. When we hear that someone loves himself usually negative associations are automatically dredged up in our minds. Available from: https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/the-importance-of-loving-yourself/, Recieve 100% plagiarism-Free paper just for 4.99$ on email, *Public papers are open and may contain not unique content. Interesting point about the gender divide too - hopefully some people will chime in on that soon... Like others, I'm also curious about the gender component. Learning how to love yourself first is the most important aspect of your life — everything else needs to come second. Good point, Max--acceptance does seem to avoid the narcissistic overtones (which are not necessary to my point), while involving the same judgment as "liking oneself.". I am so much against the idea of 'self-love' that don't even agree with the author's take on it. For more information on recovery and anyone seeking help with mental health challenges, addiction, and substance use problems, please call True Recovery at (844) 744-8783 or visit us online. I think it really means: "I'm ok. One might think of this as a spectrum, with completely self-accepting people on one end, and completely self-loathing people on the other. Loving yourself is important because it builds confidence that you can reach your goals and face any problem that comes your way. GradesFixer.com uses cookies. Everyone loves differently so if you don't think that loving yourself is not as important, I'm in no place to tell you otherwise. (Thanks for giving me the chance to discuss them.). Good article and topic. I believe you are misunderstanding what the aphorism points to by speaking of "self love". You get the general idea. Examples? Like I said it takes A LOT of work. Loving myself has always been a key part of my life. When you say there's something you see in the other person, is it something you like or something you don't like? I believe that fully accepting and loving oneself (in a healthy way) is one of the most challenging lessons... one that people often take on after they are really good at loving others. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy. If the party in each case was assured of their loveability they would not so readily buy into their suspicions, or would not so mcuh fear the consequences if they ever eventuated (i would be "devasated"). I always thought I was being loving by giving no matter what. Like 'evil', it is a purely human invention, an internal causer that we need in order to avoid facing the truth about what we humans really are. It's enough to leave them alone. When you have self-respect, you take pride in who you are and you know that you’re valuable. And until people REALLY believe they are worthy of love (flaws and all), they may not truly accept or even see the love given to them by others, and will therefore still have the perception that they are not loved, even though they may be. Two, a person that loves himself may in fact be a net "taker" in a relationship, if that self-love is obsessive or borderline narcissistic. Even if you don't love yourself, or don't feel like you deserve it, I still believe self-care is necessary. Belief in self is important. The statements means that you can't give *real* love to others, until you are okay with yourself. What if you kind of hate the idea of love at the moment? Seems to me that maybe original author is objecting to the part of statement, "you CANNOT love others til you love yourself." "I wouldn't like myself very much if I liked myself." Or would not fear speak up in a calm mature way for fear of the other getting angry or leaving them (alone). We need to see/hear/understand ourselves too. Loving yourself brings so much true, genuine happiness with yourself and life, and I cannot emphasize enough how important this is. I wrote a blog post on it here: http://honeybtemple2.blogspot.com/2009_01_01_archive.html. (See the comments to my earlier post to hear from people in such relationships.). In my own experience, I think that the notion loving myself first before others is part of empowering yourself that you can do better to serve others. For example, during my years in elementary school I would have to wear uniforms. 212. So we at least have something in there to give! And in that I don't mean someone would be incapable of loving a person who doesn't love themselves, I'm sure that happens all the time, but rather that the non-self-loving person's self-loathing clouds their perception of love from others. Now in my teen years, I believe that being social helps you to love yourself. You see I loved in that moment with her and I loved myself being in that moment with her. Okay. Insecurity of himself and feeling of self-worth are the two major obstacles for him to overcome. But this doesn't speak to such a person's ability to love others—if someone is willing to deal with such a person's unique mindset, they may find such him very giving, in part to compensate for his own perceived faults. we are designed to need connection and mirroring, and in fact I suspect this whole thing about "having to love yourself before you can love others" is actually untrue on a deep, DNA level. But, the point is - "I amn't completely loving my-self and my love/like is coming with that background". But her post gave me a great opportunity to discuss some problems I have with the idea that you have to love yourself before you can love somebody else, which also builds on my own recent post on feelings of inadequacy and relationships. 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